Glove on a very hot day

Do not insist upon pulling off your glove on a very hot day when you shake hands with a lady. If it he off\ why, all very well; but it is better to run the risk of being considered ungallant, than to present a clammy ungloved hand.

Never, indeed, offer your nand, unless well assured that it is in a presesliable state of frigidity; for the touch of a tepid’ hand chills the warmest feelings.

On entering a coffee-house, and sitting down, take off your hat; it is only a proper mark of respect to your own class, towards whom you pay the same deference you exact from.

If you meet a friend in the street — in a coffee-house, shop, or indeed any public place, never address him by name ; at least, not so people do not like to be “ shown up ” to strangers as “ Mr. Jones,” or “ Mr. Smith,” and so attract disagreeable notice. Accost your loudly as that others may hear it: sensitive friend quietly ; and do not roar out, “ Ah ! Mr. Smith ! how do you do, Mr. Smith ? ” it is very offensive, and shows a great want of proper delicacy.

Do not strain after great people, — for, although they like the homage, inasmuch as it flatters their vanity, yet they despise the dispenser of it. Pay them, however, all porgy respect ; but do not forget what  is dull yourself.

Superior in rank to speak first to the inferior

As a general rule — it is the place of the superior in rank to speak first to the inferior.

When presented to a person of high rank, you should leave a card at his house the next day.

If you have been in society with a nobleman, and should chance to meet him again elsewhere, leave it to him to speak first, or to recognise you. If you claim his acquaintance, you give him an opportunity of behaving superciliously to you, which would be as well avoided.             .

An unfortunate Clerk of the Treasury, who, because he was in the receipt of a good salary, besides being a “ Triton amongst the minnows ” of Glapham Common, fancied himself a great man, dined at the Beef Steak Club, where he sat next to a noble Duke, who, desirous of putting him at case with himself, conversed freely .

Remember that all your guests are equal for the time being, and have a similar claim to your courtesies; nay. If there be a difference shown, those of the lesser raja require a little more attention than the rest, that they ray not be made to feel their inferiority.

 

France Italy Germany and Russia gentlemen

In France, Italy, Germany and Russia, gentlemen invariably take off their hits to every lady in whose society they had ever previously been, even though no introduction had taken place; but they do not consider themselves authorized to address a lady in conversation to whom they have hot been presented. This is surely the usage most consistent with true politeness towards women.

Do not wear black or colored gloves, lest your partner look sulky; even should you be in mourning, wear white gloves, not black. People in Deep mourning have no business in a ballroom at all.

Lead the lady through the quadrille; do not drag her, nor clasp her hand as if it were made of wood, lest she not unjustly think you a bore.

You will not, if you are wise, stand up in a quadrille without knowing something of the figure; and if you are master of a few of the steps, so much the better. But dance quietly; do not kick and caper about, nor sway your body to and fro; dance only from the hips downwards; and lead the lady as lightly as you would tread a measure with a spirit of gossamer.

Do not pride yourself on doing “steps neatly,” unless you are ambitious of being taken for a dancing-master; between whose motions and those of a gentleman there is a great difference.

If a lady should civilly decline to dance with you, making an excuse, and you chance to see her dancing afterwards, do not take any notice of it, nor be offended with her. It might not be that she despised you, but that she preferred another. We cannot always fathom the hidden springs which influence a woman’s actions, and there are many bursting hearts within white satin dresses; therefore do not insist upon the fulfilment of established regulations “de rigueur.”

Besides, it is a hard case that women should be compelled to dance with everybody offered them, at the alternative of not being allowed to enjoy themselves at all.

If a friend be engaged when you request her to dance, and she promises to be your partner for the next or any of the following dances, do not neglect her when the time comes, but be in readiness to fulfil your office as her cavalier, or she may think that you have studiously slighted her, besides preventing her obliging someone else. Even inattention and forgetfulness, by showing, how little you care for a lady, form in themselves a tacit insult.

Smoking

If you are so unfortunate as to have contracted the Jpw. habit of smoking, be careful to practise it under certain restrictions; at least, so long as you are desirous of being considered fit for civilized society.

The first mark of a gentleman is a sensitive regard for the feelings of others; therefore, smoke where it is least likely to prove personally offensive by making your clothes smell; then wash your mouth, and brush your teeth. What man of delicacy could presume to address a lady with his breath smelling of onions? Yet tobacco is equally oaious. The tobacco smoker, in public, is the most selfish animal imaginable; he perseveres in contaminating the pure and fragrant air, careless whom he annoys, and is but the fitting inmate of a tavern.

Smoking in the streets, or in a theatre, is only practised by shop-boys, pseudo-fashionables — and the “Swell Mob.”

Praise of smoking in magazines or newspapers

All songs that you may see written in praise of smoking in magazines or newspapers, or hear sung upon the stage, are puffs, paid for by the proprietors of cigar divans and tobacco shops, to make their trade popular, — therefore, never believe nor be deluded by them.

Chewing tobacco is an abominable habit, which has ascended to the better ranks in America from those “ancient mariners” who were the followers of the original settlers. It is a custom, therefore, essentially vulgar — often lamented, indeed, by those unfortunate enough to practise it, yet who are without the strength of mind sufficient to discontinue it. The spitting consequent on chewing tobacco, has been made matter of grave comment, or of well- founded ridicule, by all foreigners who have visited the United States. It is, indeed, directly at variance with all the decencies of life. What an article is a spittoon as an appendage to a handsomely furnished drawing-room! What a nasty receptacle for a secretion entirely the result of an unnecessary practice! Half the consumptions in America are brought on by people spitting up their lungs. Besides, how few men would like to c’do the sentimental” to a lady given to “chaw”! Gentlemen, then, should reverse the case, and ask themselves whether ladies would not, at all times, give a preference to those who are not addicted to so disagreeable a practice.

In public places, too, only reflect on the offensive necessity of stepping over pools of brown spittle! or the still more disgusting task of wading through it! The first step towards becoming “gentlemen” is the abandonment of habits universally reprobated ‘in civilized life.

Never be seen in cigar divans or billiard rooms; they are frequented, at best, by an equivocal set. Nothing good can be gained there — and a man loses ms respectability by being seen entering or coming out of such places.

 

 Person in Private Society

Society sometimes more important than personal.

Introduction

But if you should find an agreeable person in private society, who seems desirous of making your acquaintance, there cannot be any objection to your meeting his advances half way, although the ceremony of an “introduction” may not have taken place; his presence in your friend’s house being a sufficient guarantee for his respectability, as, of course, if he were an improper person, he would not be there.

Should you, whilst walking with your friend, meet an acquaintance, never introduce them.

If you meet a male acquaintance giving his arm to a lady, take off your hat to him, instead of nodding — as this last familiar mode of recognition looks disrespectful towards her.

In making a introductions,” take care to present the person of the lower rank to him of the higher; that is, the commoner should be presented to the peer, not the peer to the commoner; Dr. A. to Lord B., not Lord B. to Dr. A. Observe the same rule with ladies — the lady (as a female) claiming the highest rank, it is to her the gentleman must be presented, not the lady to the gentleman.

Be cautious how you take an intimate friend uninvited even to the house of those with whom you may be equally intimate, as there is always a feeling of jealousy that another should share your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves, although good breeding will induce them to behave civilly to your friend on your account.

Friendship Springs

Friendship springs up from sources so subtle. And undefinable, that it cannot be forced into particular channels; and whenever the attempt has been made, it has usually been unsuccessful.

Never make acquaintances in coffee-houses or other public places. As no person who respects himself does so, you may reasonably suspect any advances made to you. — In America, this must be taken with some allowance; boarding in hotels, and living much in public, being the custom of the country, but which is contrary to English prejudices. Besides, in the United States, there is at least a profession of equality, however chimerical may be a reality, which is never even affected in Europe.

An adherence to etiquette is a mark of respect. If a man be worth knowing, he is surely worth the trouble to approach properly. It will likewise relieve you from the awkwardness of being acquainted with people of whom you might at times be ashamed, or be obliged, under many circumstances, to “cut”

The act of “cutting” can only be justified by some strong instance of bad conduct in the person to be cut. A cold bow, which discourages familiarity without offering insult, is the best mode to adopt towards those with whom an acquaintance is not deemed desirable. An in-creased observance of ceremony is, however, the most delicate way of withdrawing from an acquaintance; and the person so treated must be obtuse, indeed, who does not take the hint.